Thursday, February 15, 2007

Assh*les in the sky and behind the counter...

To any assh*les who may be reading this, please refrain from inflicting your particular brand of shit-stained dickery on Zac until further notice... it sounds as if our good friend over at .:DataWhat?:. has already hit his assh*le quota for the month.
Take it easy on the poor guy, will ya?

"There's this manager of a nearby Kinko's copies who has let his power (and possibly some toner fumes) go to his head.
He is constantly walking around behind the counter and in the print area like Strother Martin in Cool Hand Luke, swinging his wide waist around and glaring at the customers in line like he'd sooner spit than help us out.
The crowning moment of Assh*lery came a couple weeks ago when a woman told him that they were out of 8½ by 11 laminating plastic and asked if there were any more sheets in the back. The guy said "They don't make 8½ by 11 sheets of laminating plastic." The woman looked confused, since she was clearly partway through her project and had been using these very sheets moments ago at the Kinko's laminating station. The manager eventually said "They make 9 by 11½ sheets of laminating plastic. If they were 8½ by 11, they wouldn't be big enough to cover the paper."
Oh come on. You knew precisely what she was asking for and decided to be a bigshot assh*le, didn't you? It's like your second grade teacher saying "No no Johnny, you should be asking 'May I go to the bathroom'" but far worse because at least in second grade you're there to learn.
What if this woman was laminating information on how to dismantle a time bomb, or do radical esophageal surgery with a ball point pen, and because of your bigstuffing tomfoolery the patient died in the elevator?"

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...and another!
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"Attention Assh*les on the airplane: Turn off your goddamned electronic devices.
I don't care if your seat-back is in the upright position or if your tray table is stowed. As far as I'm concerned, those are steps to make sure you don't injure yourself. But to the fucktard in the suit who is making a cell phone call as the plane is taking off, you are potentially endangering the lives of everyone else on the plane. And you there who is pretending not to speak any English while playing your PSP: Why do you hide your game any time the flight attendant walks by? Hmmm? Is it because you know you're not supposed to have it on while the plane is taking off?
Attention Humans: You are not special. These rules apply to you. Stop acting like a kid in the back of the classroom with Coleco football game, or I will take it away and not give it back until the end of the school year."

1 comment:

Finders Fee said...

I personnally hated the as*hole teachers who wouldn't shut up when the bell would ring at the end of class and felt the need to say, "The bell does not dismiss you...I DISMISS YOU!!" Okay...then why the hell is there a bell going off all day??