NY and Company Assh*le

I went into a NY and Co. wanting to try on some clothes. I had to search down a sales lady. When I finally found her on the opposite side of the store, I asked her where some sweaters or pants may be. She sighed the whole time and just pointed in general vicinities. I had to ask three times where things were. She looked pissed that i took time away from her folding. Finally, I asked if I could try some stuff on. She literally ROLLED HER EYES and let me in.

Checkout Line Assh*le

I was at Busch's the other day paying for some odds and ends. When I went to sign my receipt I stumbled a bit over my own feet -- I'm clumsy! It happens! -- and steadied myself by putting my hand on the bagging area. It landed next to the purse of the woman who had paid before me and was still bagging her stuff. I don't know if she thought I was trying to cut in front of her, push her, steal her purse, cop a feel, or really what I did that was so offensive to her...but she got right in my face and goes "THAT WAS VERY RUDE, YOU KNOW." I was completely taken aback. I wish I could say I rose to the occasion, but I couldn't think of a good response...all I said was "Um, SORRY?!" in sort of a teenager I'm-totally-not-sorry-and-we-both-know-it sort of way. I wish I had kicked her in the shins.

Voice Mail Assh*le

I had a voice mail recently where a man left nothing but, "How does it feel to be such a failure at your age?" And then he hung up. I didn't recognize his voice, and I have not researched a time collaboration between the call and my call-log--yet--I saved the message.
-Mike

What an assh*le!

Hi All,

I have an important issue that I feel needs to be addressed and I figured what better way to do it than to start a blog.

Lately I've been feeling as if general assholery is on the rise. I can't quite place why or sense any sort of real pattern to it, but whether it's on the road, on the sidewalk, in line at the bank, or yes (gasp!) even on the Internet, it seems like you can't turn left these days without getting a shitstain on your sleeve. I want to start a blog where people submit stories about everyday encounters with such puckered pricks, and call it "The Assh*le Report." It's something I know I'd get a laugh out of reading, and I'm hoping that by pointing out the absurdity of such ridiculous behavior we can turn those initially frustrating encounters into something entertaining for all.

So there's the pitch. Send your favorite assh*ole stories to "aholereport@gmail.com" and let's have some fun calling these assh*les out!

Cheers,
J